


Rum, Sodomy and a Regrettable Lack of Lash

by wnnbdarklord



Category: Doctor Who, Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: Community: sizeofthatthing, Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-18
Updated: 2011-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-27 12:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/295700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wnnbdarklord/pseuds/wnnbdarklord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>The first time Captain Jack Sparrow met the Doctor was, like most encounters with the Doctor, rather unexpected and unlooked for.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Rum, Sodomy and a Regrettable Lack of Lash

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt was: Ten/Jack Sparrow. Rum, sodomy and the lash.

The first time Captain Jack Sparrow met the Doctor was, like most encounters with the Doctor, rather unexpected and unlooked for. What was more unusual, however, was how the Doctor dropped in on Jack - quite literally in this case.

Jack deeply contemplated the blue Caribbean sky overhead.

"Ow," he decided was quite a good a word as any to describe his thoughts on the matter of the person he had suddenly found lying on top of him. Not that Jack usually had problems with people lying on top of him or against him or even in him, but having someone lying on top of him after they had dropped ten feet from the sky wasn't as fun as it sounded. Though it definitely had potential to become as fun as it sounded.

The person on top of him groaned. Jack poked it. The person groaned again. It had sounded male. Jack considered for a second and then groped the possible male.

With a strangled yelp and sudden shifting of the decidedly male person's weight, Jack found himself staring into very large, very wide brown eyes attached to a very startled expression. Even his hair seemed to be surprised.

"Sorry," the stranger's voice had a very pleasant timber, though the accent was a bit more refined than the accent of most of the people Jack kept company with, "But do you make a habit of groping complete strangers who just mysteriously fell from the sky?"

For some reason, Jack felt compelled to answer this man honestly. There was just something about the features of his face and expression that demanded it.

"Yes," Jack said. The man gaped a bit and Jack took a moment to admire the shape of his mouth and _oh_ \- very nice teeth. Very nice set of pouty lips too. Really, this bloke was far too pretty to be a male. Jack was just about to check again - had to make sure about these things, after all - when the bloke moved off of him and got to his feet. He was rather strangely dressed, especially since he was wearing that long tan coat in this weather. Jack quite approved of the tightness of the overall ensemble, however.

"Really, sorry for dropping in on you like this, rather literally, I'm afraid, but could you tell me where this is? Only, I seem to have lost my TARDIS. I hope it's not those confounded angels again. Silly buggers. Mind you, there was a statue around that I couldn't quite be sure of..."

"You're in the Caribbean, mate," Jack, not bothering to get up off the ground, waved a hand vaguely to indicate their surroundings, "Tortuga more specifically."

"What? Really? Tortuga?"

Jack blinked. No _one_ was _ever_ that excited to be in Tortuga. Well, unless you were him. He lifted his head to observe the man more closely. He was staring around himself in delighted wonder, a sparkle in his eyes and a grin wide enough to split his face.

"Mid 18th century, or thereabouts? Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!"

Jack was rather put into mind of an overeager puppy.

"Give us a hand then, mate?"

"Oh! Quite right! Sorry about falling on you again," the man whirled around and grasped Jack's outstretched arm firmly. He hauled Jack to his feet in a surprising show of strength and Jack found himself face to face with the man yet again. Oh! He had freckles. Jack approved; he was fond of freckles. You never knew where else you might find them.

Jack then found his hand shaken with distressing enthusiasm. The hands griping his were soft and unmarked; he doubted this lad had ever seen a day's work, though his next words could explain that.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor!"

Managing to extricate his arm from the other fellow's grip, Jack returned his grin, all his golden teeth flashing.

"Captain Jack Sparrow, at your service."

The Doctor might have muttered something like 'I might have known', but Jack was too busy contemplating the circumstances of their meeting and how he could get the Doctor off to a more private location so they could get to know each other better. Hopefully biblically (though what Jack had in mind would probably make _that_ particular book spontaneously combust) and hopefully involving copious quantities of rum.

"And what manner of man are you that you just fall from the sky?" Jack had seen plenty strange things during his years as captain of the Black Pearl. Mysterious strangers falling from the sky weren't that unusual for him.

The Doctor smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

"Oh, but I'm not a man," his tone was light, but his eyes were strangely serious. Jack knew when he was being studied. Jack smiled his most charming smile.

"Then an angel, surely? Seeing as you fell from the sky and all," Jack stepped closer, his hands fluttering lightly over the Doctor's strange suit. He was rewarded with a very soft intake of breath.

"Well, I've been called that before, but no. I'm no angel," there was a sardonic glint to his eye and Jack mentally raised his estimation of the Doctor's age. This was no lad and Jack, for one, was very pleased.

"In that case, what say you to your becoming acquainted with my person? I think that your person and my person would get along splendidly, preferably in the cabin of my ship where we can have a nice, long, and - most importantly - uninterrupted...chat? Savvy?"

The Doctor's stare turned appraising and Jack took a step back, all the better to put more of himself into view. A slow, amused smile appeared on the Doctor's lips.

"Buy me a drink first."

Ah, a man after Jack's own heart!

"Now, _that_ ," Jack leaned forwards, far too closely into the Doctor's personal space and grinned when the Doctor didn't seem to mind at all, "will be a worthwhile investment. If you would?"

He indicated for the Doctor to step forwards, half bowing. With an amused glance, the Doctor began to stride ahead, hands in his pockets and for all the world looking like he'd been living his whole life in Tortuga for all the hesitance he showed. Jack titled his head, slightly mournful that that lovely long coat had to be quite so long and strolled after him.

It became rather obvious very quickly that the Doctor had never been to Tortuga before. He observed everything with a peculiar child-like wonder that seemed very at odds with the age Jack had seen in his eyes. Still, if the Doctor was nearly as enthusiastic in other matters (which they would hopefully be getting to after the rum), Jack could quite happily live with it. The incessant talking though, was another matter entirely. Jack felt it was his duty to his fellow man to provide something else for that lovely mouth to be occupied with, instead of filling the air with facts and figures and excited exclamations about this and that.

Jack soon had them in and out of a tavern, with him clutching a few bottles of their finest rum (which didn't amount to much admittedly) in one hand and the Doctor's in the other.

"Oh, but I thought we were going to have a few drinks in there," he said with all the disappointment of somebody being denied a long-awaited treat, "It's been _ages_ since I've been in a proper tavern, unless you count that time with Shakespeare, but that was altogether too fraught with peril, danger and witches-"

Jack had tuned his rambling out and was only listening with half an ear, being more intent on tugging the Doctor along as he tried to get a last glimpse of the undoubtedly fascinating going ons in the tavern.

"Well, we could stay there if you would prefer, but I've a far more interesting place in mind. Quieter too," Jack murmured the last. He knew the Pearl would be fitted with only a skeleton crew (thankfully not the literal kind) by now as most were on shore leave. And even if there had been a full complement, they knew better than to disturb Jack when his cabin door was locked.

That finally got the Doctor's attention and he bounced into step next to Jack, his full attention once more on him.

'Do tell? Got a secret hide-y place somewhere? Or a ship? Wait - captain, of course you have a ship. Are we going to your ship? And - oh, she is a _beauty_!"

The last was said when the Doctor caught a good look at his Pearl. Jack smirked, very pleased at the Doctor's appreciation of his darling. And the expression of awe and excitement on the Doctor's face was rather adorable. For a moment, the Doctor was absolutely still. Then he bounced on the balls of his feet and _he_ started tugging Jack towards the Pearl. He flashed Jack an absolutely delighted smile, for once not asking dozens of questions.

"This here," Jack said when they got on deck, "Is the Black Pearl. Finest ship to sail the Caribbean - and the world."

"Finest _sea_ faring ship maybe," the Doctor muttered quietly before regaining his good humor and flashing another grin at Jack. He really did have very nice teeth. Jack ignored the implied slight to his ship - after all, what other kind _was_ there? Somehow, Jack didn't think the Doctor had meant river boats.

"She is gorgeous! This is brilliant! The Black Pearl, you said? Very fitting," the Doctor continued. He peered closer at the railing, trailing a long fingered hand over the wood.

There was a glint of something knowing in the Doctor's eyes, underneath the genuine excitement. But when the Doctor didn't elaborate further, Jack didn't ask. He'd been a bit distracted at the very suggestive stroking the Doctor had been engaged in. Jack didn't know whether to be aroused or jealous - no one had ever stroked his Pearl like that apart from him. Instead of lingering on his thoughts, he led the Doctor towards his cabin, closing and locking the door behind them.

The Doctor was looking around, an appreciative smile playing along his lips.

"Very nice," he approved and Jack noticed he wasn't looking at the room when he said it. Jack put the bottles of rum down on the table and watched from the corner of his eye as the Doctor took off his long coat. The Doctor then proceeded to get lost in the maps scattered all over Jack's desk, tongue poking out slightly in concentration and a pair of spectacles perched on his nose. Now that just wouldn't do.

Jack reached out, pulled the Doctor closer and kissed him and _oh_ , yes, that mouth was as soft as it looked and yes, the Doctor was as enthusiastic as he'd thought and _oh!_ that tongue really was rather marvelous. They both clutched at the other, only the smallest of distances separating them. The Doctor disentangled them far too soon and the mock-reproving look he shot Jack from over his glasses really did nothing to stifle Jack's desire.

"I thought I told you to buy me a drink first?" His expression was stern, but the Doctor's eyes were filled with humour. Jack smiled his most ingratiating smile.

"And so I have. The purchasing of the drink was our agreement. The rum stands there on the table. One can hardly be blamed if the agreement was rather more vague on the timing of the consumption of said rum after said rum was bought."

The Doctor was silent for a moment.

"Well," he finally murmured, giving Jack a slow smile that shot very nicely to his groin, "One can hardly argue with that then."

Jack grinned and toppled them both onto the bed. He let the Doctor keep his glasses.

 **xxx**

Much later, Jack was feeling pleasantly inebriated and well shagged. Really, if the sex was as fantastic every time someone fell on him out of the sky, Jack was all for people falling on him. He also rather commended the Doctor's foresight on making him bring rum to the occasion. After all, everything was better with rum.

"You know, with all the bananas you lot have about, you could make loads of banana daiquiris with this," the Doctor mused, contemplatively staring at the bottle in his hand. Like with most of the things out of the Doctor's mouth (other than that wonderful tongue), Jack ignored him. Instead, he lazed back on his bed and surveyed his handiwork, feeling mightily pleased. The Doctor was the very picture of debauchery, his hair even wilder than before with the air of a man who had been well and truly buggered.

"There's nothing better than rum," Jack said, catching the end tail of the Doctor's ramble on how bananas were good. The glance the Doctor gave him was filled with amusement. Somehow, his glasses had stayed on throughout the entire proceedings. Jack never would have thought he'd have a _thing_ for glasses, but the looks the Doctor gave him while wearing them did wonders for his already healthy libido.

"Rum, sodomy and the lash, hm?" the Doctor smirked. Jack waved a hand through the air.

"Less of the lash, if you will. Never been particularly fond of that one. Though there was this one time-"

The Doctor snorted and flopped back down on the bed, fumbling to set the bottle of rum down. Jack deftly intercepted it and took a long drink. The Doctor's amusement was almost a physical thing. So was that hand creeping up along his chest. Jack felt conflicted briefly. On the one hand - rum. On the other - a rather fetching naked man in his bed with a brilliant tongue and even better fingers. Deciding that the rum could wait, Jack set the bottle down reluctantly and set about entertaining his guest. Well, maybe some things were better than rum.

 **xxx**

Even later, Jack was mournfully staring at the spot where the Doctor had disappeared in that strange blue box of his. He'd offered to take Jack along, but Jack wasn't about to leave his Pearl, even for the stars. Still, he rather found himself missing the Doctor's wild good cheer and...other things. He sighed and staggered his way down the thing which laughingly passed for a street in Tortuga, musing on strange men falling from the sky.

Therefore, it seemed rather appropriate to find himself on the ground again under yet another bloke who'd fallen from the sky. Jack blinked up and found himself staring into a face with sparkling blue eyes and a dazzling smile (with _excellent_ teeth).

"Well hello," purred a voice with an accent Jack couldn't recall ever encountering before. Jack rather fancied it sounded like pure sex. The stranger continued, "I'm Captain Jack Harkness. And _who_ are _you_?"

 **End**   



End file.
